Masks

Tonight I'm dwelling on masks and the many places we wear them. Earlier today I reconnected with an old friend from high school. After moving away with his family I only saw him twice over a period of about 5 years. To begin with it wasn't the strongest of friendships so it is understandable that we lost contact. In the time spent apart I've changed dramatically, and he's the same goofy guy he always was. It got me to thinking, how long did I wear the mask of 'innocence and perfection' while fooling myself I wasn't? Do you think that over time, putting on a facade to please others and decive their perceptions of you, you lose the line between who you feel like you are and what others see you as?

Over the past few years of 'growing up' or rather 'coming into my own', I feel like I have been slowly able to break the bond those old masks used to have over me. In high school I was the image of sweetness and like every good church going girl never swore, drank, or even so much thought of copulation let alone acted upon such thoughts. I felt like I had finally broken the mind numbing brain washing that took my parents years to create, like I had finally cast aside the little whelp of a person they had formed me into and become a stronger more independant woman because of it. God if only I had been able to grasp the fact that I had barely nicked the surface and that years later I would be explaining why I cast aside all that for who I really am. Had I only known how tightly and foolproof I had woven those masks into my own skin I would have known that the way I used to be would always be popping up trying to make itself known again.

Always I will strive to remove the mask, yet others will replace the mask upon my face for they fear their own mask more than mine. Realizing that living without the mask is possible will only terrify them more of the 'monster' they feel hides underneath.

embrace.