Ever just sat and watched? Ever thought about being watched? How people would look at your life from the outside. Odd as it many seem I love to make up stories of strangers lives that I see on the street. I enjoy seeing the odd passerby and make up names and bonds between that person and their family. Then I sometimes wonder how my life seems to others. Am I a wounded soul living alone in a glorious apartment surrounding myself with things instead of people, or am I a new-age hippie buying only organic foods riding a bike instead of driving a car with a dog named Gandhi that I go hiking with every weekend? Of course this could be one of my many oddities that I seem to be alone in having.
This leads me to think about celebrities. The most industrious market out there and all we want to do is stick our noses in and pry our way into some sort of strange bond with these people we idolize. I remember the first time that my mother told me we need to pray for that celebrity because rumors (later found to be false) were saying they had a drug problem. I was shocked that she cared so much, that she felt the need to connect on such a personal level with a rumor. All life ever is is rumors and lies, no one tells the truth anymore. People who do tell the truth are socially and mentaly crucified, tossed about in conversation as the fake liers everyone else knows they are.
All things come around to the same thing, we're curious creatures by nature, and that curiostiy will never be quenched no matter how many tabs we read, or how many hussed gossips we listen to. We're always looking to prove that someone else is living a more miserable life than we are.
embrace.
26.4.08
16.4.08
Irritation
I have no idea what is going on. My blog keeps saying I'm posting on the 9th of April, however today happens to be the 16th. I find this annoying. So I guess that from now on I will be stating the date in my posts. Oh well, life is never easy is it?
So aside from the day to day hum drum of life nothing is happening on this side of the world. The only irronic thing that I have encountered lately is that people hire babysitters to care for their children in their absence, yet they often get upset when the children become attached and, depending on the parents, wish that the babysitters were their parents. I don't know what to say to this. How can you be upset with them for doing their jobs? And doing their jobs well I might add. I've heard so many horror stories I can't believe there is even a childcare industry anymore. I can't imagine leaving my children with anyone younger than 20, but maybe that is just me.
Today is an off day, combination of wacky weather and lack of sleep, my brain is slowly shutting down.
embrace.
So aside from the day to day hum drum of life nothing is happening on this side of the world. The only irronic thing that I have encountered lately is that people hire babysitters to care for their children in their absence, yet they often get upset when the children become attached and, depending on the parents, wish that the babysitters were their parents. I don't know what to say to this. How can you be upset with them for doing their jobs? And doing their jobs well I might add. I've heard so many horror stories I can't believe there is even a childcare industry anymore. I can't imagine leaving my children with anyone younger than 20, but maybe that is just me.
Today is an off day, combination of wacky weather and lack of sleep, my brain is slowly shutting down.
embrace.
9.4.08
I can see clearly now
I can see clearly.
The world is straight ahead.
Darkness is behind me.
Towards the light I am lead.
Escape the hellish bonds I had.
Create ones that are new.
Return to a steady pace.
Return to you.
Time is of the essence.
Not sure how long it will last.
Time is slipping towards me.
Time is slipping past.
On my own I make a path.
On my own I travel.
I can see clearly now.
I know not where I'm lead.
The world is straight ahead.
Darkness is behind me.
Towards the light I am lead.
Escape the hellish bonds I had.
Create ones that are new.
Return to a steady pace.
Return to you.
Time is of the essence.
Not sure how long it will last.
Time is slipping towards me.
Time is slipping past.
On my own I make a path.
On my own I travel.
I can see clearly now.
I know not where I'm lead.
Masks
Tonight I'm dwelling on masks and the many places we wear them. Earlier today I reconnected with an old friend from high school. After moving away with his family I only saw him twice over a period of about 5 years. To begin with it wasn't the strongest of friendships so it is understandable that we lost contact. In the time spent apart I've changed dramatically, and he's the same goofy guy he always was. It got me to thinking, how long did I wear the mask of 'innocence and perfection' while fooling myself I wasn't? Do you think that over time, putting on a facade to please others and decive their perceptions of you, you lose the line between who you feel like you are and what others see you as?
Over the past few years of 'growing up' or rather 'coming into my own', I feel like I have been slowly able to break the bond those old masks used to have over me. In high school I was the image of sweetness and like every good church going girl never swore, drank, or even so much thought of copulation let alone acted upon such thoughts. I felt like I had finally broken the mind numbing brain washing that took my parents years to create, like I had finally cast aside the little whelp of a person they had formed me into and become a stronger more independant woman because of it. God if only I had been able to grasp the fact that I had barely nicked the surface and that years later I would be explaining why I cast aside all that for who I really am. Had I only known how tightly and foolproof I had woven those masks into my own skin I would have known that the way I used to be would always be popping up trying to make itself known again.
Always I will strive to remove the mask, yet others will replace the mask upon my face for they fear their own mask more than mine. Realizing that living without the mask is possible will only terrify them more of the 'monster' they feel hides underneath.
embrace.
Over the past few years of 'growing up' or rather 'coming into my own', I feel like I have been slowly able to break the bond those old masks used to have over me. In high school I was the image of sweetness and like every good church going girl never swore, drank, or even so much thought of copulation let alone acted upon such thoughts. I felt like I had finally broken the mind numbing brain washing that took my parents years to create, like I had finally cast aside the little whelp of a person they had formed me into and become a stronger more independant woman because of it. God if only I had been able to grasp the fact that I had barely nicked the surface and that years later I would be explaining why I cast aside all that for who I really am. Had I only known how tightly and foolproof I had woven those masks into my own skin I would have known that the way I used to be would always be popping up trying to make itself known again.
Always I will strive to remove the mask, yet others will replace the mask upon my face for they fear their own mask more than mine. Realizing that living without the mask is possible will only terrify them more of the 'monster' they feel hides underneath.
embrace.
Weather
Such an oddity, our weather system. Hot air moves cold air and if given the right amount of pressure and time, storm systems strong enough to ruin entire cities form. We have no control over how it moves and flows, all we can do is sit helplessly by and hope for a favorable out come. It is one of the few things that we of the human race have no control over. I marvel at the masterpiece that has been created. One day is beautiful gloriously sunny a day when all you want is a sunchair and a good book, a day where you loath the very thought of missing a single sunbeam by going inside. Then the next day comes along and it brings a horrible storm, but not just any storm a SNOW storm. Imagine my surprise that upon waking this morning, after wearing shorts and flip-flops yesterday, the temperature outside is below freezing and that's not including the wind chill. I strive to be like the weather, changed and controlled by nothing but my own will to live.
embrace.
embrace.
Wondering
Beset as I am with noctournal desires, I turn to the outside world for destraction and hopfully sleep. Rather than watching pointless infomercials about the next miracle cure to foot fungus, I deposit my thoughts for an audience to critique. Whatever possesses those few who take the time to read the thoughts of a stranger, is beyond me. However they provide me with a platform, however small, to allow myself to be heard.
I have nothing against anything. We are our own and responsible therefore to humanity not to be complete failures. Don't waste my time trying to build yourself up. I take no offense and never mean to cause it. I'm brutaly honest. I sit here thinking about the fact people long to be right and are quick to thwart others in their way. Someone always has to be responsible for the distruction of man. Of course we all can't group together and say it was a joint fuck up, someone is always right and someone is always wrong. Who decides this we may never know. One thing is for sure, whoever ends up being right will be wrong in three years.
embrace.
I have nothing against anything. We are our own and responsible therefore to humanity not to be complete failures. Don't waste my time trying to build yourself up. I take no offense and never mean to cause it. I'm brutaly honest. I sit here thinking about the fact people long to be right and are quick to thwart others in their way. Someone always has to be responsible for the distruction of man. Of course we all can't group together and say it was a joint fuck up, someone is always right and someone is always wrong. Who decides this we may never know. One thing is for sure, whoever ends up being right will be wrong in three years.
embrace.
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